


memory lane

by lightyaers



Series: the twelve days of chessmas [5]
Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Love, One Shot, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28019805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightyaers/pseuds/lightyaers
Summary: Benny finally visits Beth in Lexington.He realises that her world is so much more than he'd first thought.
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Series: the twelve days of chessmas [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2032102
Comments: 12
Kudos: 231





	memory lane

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to the 12 Days of Chessmas!
> 
> This is part 5, and it's a lot more ~in your feels~ than my previous one shots. It's still laced with Benny's signature sarcasm, don't you worry. I like this one a lot.
> 
> Please comment below headcanons!
> 
> Enjoy x

Beth exhaled when she heard Benny’s car door slam shut, outside on the curb in front of Alma’s baby blue Lexington house.

It had been his idea. After all their nights spent in New York City, living Benny’s life in his basement, wondering around 5th Avenue in the winter months and cooling off in Central Park in the summer, he’d turned to her with a beaming smile.

“Next time, show me your world.”

Why he’d insisted on driving all the way to Kentucky from New York, she didn’t know, but Benny’s Beetle was a sight for sore eyes as she glanced at it beyond the see-through curtains of the living room.

He sauntered up to the door, pressing down on the doorbell confidently, despite looking like a member of the circus chorus that came to Lexington every six months.

Beth pulled open the door, meeting his gaze immediately. He always looked so _cool_ , so collected, with smile lines etched on his face and a thousand years-worth of chess moves behind his eyes.

“Come in,” Beth said faintly, as he crossed her threshold without any hesitation. He kissed her before she could even close the door, sweet and tender but with an element of haste, like he couldn’t have waited another second before surrounding her completely.

Benny pulled away after a minute, tucking a strand of hair behind Beth’s ear, fingers trickling over her cheek. Beth pushed the door shut, as Benny made his way around the house curiously.

“ _So_ — this is where you grew up?” Benny asked. Beth couldn’t help but gawk at him. He looked out of place next to the flowered wallpaper, but he didn’t act like he was out of his comfort zone at all. He looked as comfortable as he did at a chess tournament.

“My latter teenage years, yes,” Beth replied vaguely. Benny knew about the orphanage, he knew snippets of her real mother, of Alma, but he didn’t know the full story.

Sometimes Beth wondered if even _she_ knew her full story.

Benny shot her a smile, one that made her gut coil. She felt like this every time she saw him again after a while. Being so far from each other was something that they both expected from the very beginning— New York City and Lexington were worlds apart, but Beth and Benny were two sides of the same coin.

He approached her then, noticing her unease. He slowly reached out to her, fingers curling around her knuckles gently, hat skimming the top of her head as he looked down at her. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him here, she wanted him around her _always_. It was the thought of him knowing everything, good and bad, stone cold sober or drowning in the drink and the pills—

It was the thought of Benny Watts knowing every single detail of her past, her present, and being a part of her future.

It _terrified_ her—

But she’d rather be scared than without him.

“Show me everything, Beth.”

It was cold and grey as they drove toward Methuen. Beth’s heart was in her throat, revisiting the orphanage for the second time after initially travelling back with Jolene.

Benny tapped the steering wheel as a faint tune echoed from the radio. There was something pristine about him when he was behind the wheel. Whether it was the concentration on his face or the way his knuckles gripped the wheel so firmly, Beth couldn’t take her eyes off him.

They pulled into the orphanage. It looked even more derelict than the last time Beth had been there, despite knowing that parentless little girls still resided inside. The oranges and greys of the brick, the squeak of the lonely swing set and the voices of choir rang out all around them.

Benny’s face was gaunt as he put the Beetle in park. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes were glassy—he looked at the building with an unexpected gaze. Beth hadn’t known what he’d been expecting, but evidently it wasn’t what stood in front of him.

He swallowed uncomfortably. “You grew up _here_?” He whispered, as his eyes trailed the front doors.

“From age nine to fifteen,” Beth replied, steadier than his voice. She’d had time to move on, to look away from those six ghastly years trapped within that mansion of lost souls. She found herself smiling slightly. “It was a lot nicer than where I lived before, in a trailer with my mom. This place was like a princesses castle when I first saw it, believe it or not,”

She hadn’t meant for it to sound so depressing, but Benny took it as so. He swallowed again, as paleness washed all over his face. “Jesus,” He mumbled out.

Beth hadn’t expected this from him. She imagined he’d make a sarcastic comment here and there, laced within honest curiosity and care, but this—this was a different kind of reaction. It both scared Beth and warmed her. That Benny cared so deeply for her past, her hardships, the troubled life she’d managed to grow away from after all these years. It was enough to make her want to cry, but she held it in.

“This is where I learned to play,” Beth continued. Benny turned to her then, forcing himself to keep it together.

“Tell me about him,” Benny said, clearing his throat after hearing how coarse his voice was. “About Mr. Shaibel.”

Beth smiled at him then. She reached out and grabbed his hand, gripping it like he was the only thing she ever wanted to keep hold of. “He used to play in the basement. I went down there after finishing a test early and he was playing in silence, by himself, moving pieces around calmly and totally unaware I was there, until I walked over,” She let out a chuckle, remembering their odd first games. “I was so persistent, it’s a miracle he didn’t lose his patience with me.”

“He could probably see your potential,” Benny added, curling his lips smally.

“He definitely saw it before I did,” Beth agreed. “He got a colleague from the high school to play against me. I beat them both simultaneously. I was ten,” She let out a sudden laugh. “I also called him a cocksucker once, after he told me to resign. I didn’t even know what a cocksucker was.”

Benny raised his eyebrows in awe. “You’re amazing,” He let out. Beth scoffed.

“ _Please_ —you won that tournament when you were, what, _eight_?”

“Doesn’t matter. I’d been playing for years. You’d been playing for a matter of months.”

Beth’s faced dropped slowly as she recalled the past. A guilt still subtly consumed her, one that she’d only ever told one other soul—Townes.

“It was the pills,” She began, treading down her rising anxiety. “I would take them at night and just like _that_ —,” Beth clicked her fingers once; loudly, abruptly. “The board would appear on the ceiling. I always liked the black and white squares, even after I knew the pieces and how they moved.”

“On your _ceiling_?” Benny repeated, and it dawned on Beth then that she’d never told him of her secret talent. Beth nodded with a small smile, letting out a shaky breath.

“In a matter of seconds, I can envision different moves and their outcomes. I do it when I can’t sleep. I used to do it nights before big games,” Beth swallowed. “I don’t know if that makes me a cheater, or what—,”

“No, it doesn’t,” Benny immediately spoke up. “I’ve seen how hard you’ve worked sober. All that comes from a pill is an influx of the knowledge you already have.”

Beth blinked back tears, swiping her thumb over Benny’s knuckles.

“I did it in Russia,” Beth started. “No pills. Just the ceiling of that grand hall after I denied Borgov’s draw,” She glanced up at the roof of the car, as if she were seeing the board once more. She tried not to dwell on how she was utterly spilling her guts without consequence—

She tried not to focus on the way Benny’s eyes ate her up completely.

“Luchenko said that you were the best player he’d ever competed against, Beth,” Benny stated, stern as anything. “Something like that isn’t said with a pinch of salt. It’s the truth,” Beth couldn’t help but roll her eyes at his compliment, but Benny only pressed on, ignoring the way she gulped back the want to object. “I _agree_ with him. You’re the _best_ , the best we’ve seen in years. You don’t know what impact you’ve caused, Beth. Not just for chess, but for _women_ , and for—,”

“I’m not sure I can take much more,” Beth interrupted. Benny smiled after being cut off, giving her a subtle smirk.

“Well,” He said, retreating ever so slightly. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat, his fingers twitched suddenly. “I guess this is a bad time to tell you I love you, right?”

Silence floated through the car as Beth’s eyes widened. Benny’s gaze stayed stuck to her face, not daring to look away and miss a single of her many expressions. Benny thought she looked like she’d just been put in checkmate—like her opponent had just cornered her in the harshest of ways without her noticing, that she was stuck—

But then her face transformed, promoting a teary eyed and quivering stare that could only be described as beautiful beyond measure. Beth Harmon was a piece of gold in a world full of coal. She’d got herself up from the cards she’d been dealt and polished herself into something no one had ever expected—

A champion.

A beauty.

The smartest woman in the room with the snarkiest retorts, the brightest of hair colours, the largest of eyes, full to the brim with her need for blood and care and love and life—

And she was all his.

It was enough to take Benny’s breath away, as she edged forward and placed her lips upon his own. It seemed odd that surrounded by such a sad, grey place, they were encased in their own small bubble of multicolour, playing chess on the board in Beth’s head and forgetting all the rules as they fell deeper into each other’s grasps.

When Benny moved his hand to beneath Beth’s blouse, that’s when she stopped. She tugged herself off of him, giving him an amused stare.

“No. We’re _not_ having car sex outside the orphanage,” Benny perked his boyish brow.

“Who said anything about car sex? There’s a nice shed over there,” Benny joked. Beth slapped his arm for good measure.

“I haven’t finished the tour of my _oh so_ decadent childhood just yet,” Beth added, sitting forward in her seat, as her eyes traced over Methuen one last time. Benny did as he was told, placing his hands back on the wheel and tapping impatiently.

“Where to next?”

Benny ignored the sweat on his brow as they ducked behind a row of lockers. Beth was positively beaming with glee, too overcome with the thrill of breaking into a school to even care about getting caught.

“This is _so_ illegal,” He whispered.

“I wouldn’t hold it against you to do something illegal, Benny,” Beth hit back with. “We’ll be in and out, I promise.”

“If I go to prison for being a pervert, I’m blaming it on you,” Beth glanced back at him, sending him a smirk.

“It’s your fault for agreeing to my antics at the age of _thirty_ —,”

_“Twenty-seven!”_ Benny interrupted, whispering at her angrily. Beth’s giggles were too cute for him to take her comments to heart.

They tiptoed through the halls of Beth’s old high school, dipping under windowsills and running down empty corridors whenever they heard a faint sound. It was after school hours, so they weren’t in too much danger of running into any stray teachers or students.

Beth rounded them towards the rec room, checking on both sides as she went for the door and twisted the knob. They tumbled into the room, chuckling under their breath as they creaked the door shut behind them. The room was lined with desks, the blackboard a wash with caked on chalk.

“If we broke in here just to see a classroom, I’m going to be _pissed_ , Beth.” Benny said, with just a hint of sarcasm, but Beth knew he was being serious. She linked her arm through his, shuffling him round to the end of the room, staring down at the blackboard.

“You’re standing in the room that I beat an entire chess club in, the week after I beat Shaibel and his colleague.”

Benny’s eyes flickered over the room, imaging it full to the brim with pre-pubescent chess nerds, watching as their king’s fell at the hands of a ten-year-old girl who hadn’t even heard of chess six months prior.

“How many?” Benny asked, curiosity grabbing him by the throat.

“A dozen or so, all years _, simultaneously_ ,”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” Benny let out. “Is this tour just to rub in how much of a better player you are than me?”

Beth tilted her head sweetly. “Maybe,” Benny huffed, sitting on one of the desks and slapping his thigh dramatically. Beth’s eyes glazed over slightly, as words came to mind.

“And because I’ve never told anyone how proud I was of myself on that day,” Beth continued, strolling up to the blackboard, deep in thought. “No one cared about chess at the orphanage, besides Shaibel. All Deardorf cared for was a child with _talent_ , appealing to families who wanted to adopt me. Jolene was the only one to support me, really, but even she was pissed off when I got adopted before her,”

Beth took in a deep breath, as the image of Alma invaded her mind. “Alma didn’t understand it at first, but when she did, she always cared. The matches she didn’t watch, I’d relay to her move by move. She’d always be interested.”

Benny watched as she swiped her hand on the blackboard, chalk dust sticking to her skin. She blew on it, a waft of dust cascaded all around her like breath in the winter. He nodded at her sullenly, watching her every move around the room.

But his own mind was playing tricks on him, as the realisation of their earlier conversation hit him harder than any lost game of speed chess.

“You didn’t reply,” Benny began, tapping his fingers on the desk and looking to the floor. “When I asked if it was a bad time to tell you I love you.” He tilted his head towards Beth, tongue fidgeting in his mouth. Beth turned to him, standing up straight.

“Yes, I did. I kissed you.”

“That’s not an answer, Beth,” Benny replied, impatiently this time.

“Actions speak louder than words—,”

“Not when I’m not good at picking up hints, or _whatever_.” Benny looked positively shaken as he looked to the ground again. He’d just revealed something—something that he hated admitting to. Benny was a genius when it came to chess, but when it came to body language, to _feelings_ , a straight up answer was all he could fully divulge.

Benny didn’t know if her kiss meant _goodbye_ or _please stay_.

Beth stomped towards him, eyes as fiery as her hair. She stopped before him, leaning her arms on the desk and cornering him where he sat. Her eyes pierced his suddenly, and he was trapped—he had nowhere to go—and he didn’t mind.

“Benny Watts, I love you more than I care to admit.” Benny stayed silent, just looking at her. He savoured the moments where it was quiet, where all he could see was her face, right in front of his, without the tick of a clock to urge him forward in a game.

“So, it wasn’t a bad time?” Benny asked, knowing he’d be pulling Beth’s leg. She let out a huff, rolling her eyes, but as they landed on his again her face softened into something else.

“It’s never a bad time with you, Benny.”

Benny leant forward, so close that their noses were practically touching. His demeaner changed into something silkier.

“I also take it we shouldn’t have car sex outside a high school, right?” Beth was laughing before he’d even finished speaking, her cheeks washed with a neon red blush. She grabbed his face in both hands, squishing his cheeks as she kissed him, despite the chuckles escaping from both of their mouths.

“No, we really _shouldn’t_ do that,” Beth whispered, amused. She pulled back from the champion, crossing her arms. “I know somewhere that works, though.”

“Oh?” Benny perked up, trying to beat down the rising feeling in his gut as he snaked his hands around Beth’s waist. Beth placed a finger over his lips, sending him a sensual stare.

“Race you back to the car?” She said playfully. Benny didn’t have time to question her, before she’d zoomed off to the door, pulling it open so harshly it creaked on its hinges. Benny jumped up, throwing all common sense out of the window as he followed her, shoes smacking the floor as he raced to catch up with her in the empty halls.

The thought Benny had, after they burst through the front doors of the building, was that Beth always kept him on his toes, even though he had never been much of a runner.

He caught her outside, pulling her into a kiss against the Beetle.

“Can I stay for Christmas?” Benny said hastily, pulling his lips away from hers.

“Stay as long as you want,” Was all she replied, before pulling him back in, stronger than before.

Benny knew, now, what it was like being in Beth Harmon’s world—

And that was better than any checkmate.


End file.
